Wise African Woman

Every Moon Time is Different

Every moon time is different.

Some hold the belief that at some point in time ALL women were on the same cycle, bleeding when the moon was full.

I don’t. Yes we sync when we come together for a period of time.

I believe there were always differences, we were and are with the moon;

waxing and waning from new moon to full moon at our own pace.

Each period. Each end of cycle is an end and or beginning in our lives.

Between periods, life happens. Decisions are made. Feelings are felt. and rationalized. Parts of us die. Parts of us grow.

Tears fall. Pain caressed. Cursed. Love is understood. Between periods. Life. Happens.

Menses, got nothing to do with men and everything to do with we.

Periods will be the end of a lot of things and lives but it is the beginning of us.

Embrace your period.

Some times I get the urge to finish a project or find some clarity around an issue, it usually means my period is coming.

The end is here.

The episode I am bashing is season 2 episode 15, “The Car”, if you don’t remember it please watch it again, you don’t have watch long, the first two minutes or so before the intro is all you need to see the good ol’ made in the USA patriarchy that made me turn my head away from This Is Us (for a couple of weeks anyway)

The episode opens with the family visiting a car dealership to buy a car, Jack and Rebecca joke about how having 3 kids would make it more likely for them to get a good deal (no mention of how having one black child would affect them positively or negatively, but that’s another story).

The Pearsons talked about their limited budget and the kind of car they could afford. After seeing that the children really liked the more expensive car, Jack pulls the car dealer, a white man, aside and says “You and I should go into the office and work something out..”

Rebecca is baffled and she “lightly” warns him that they should stick to their plans and budget… he dismissively kisses her hand as if to say “hush woman, let the men handle the money business.”

I suppose their interaction could be seen as “a sign of the times,” but it was hella condescending. Can we tell these stories without the lovey-dovey music and sentiment?

That episode broke This Is Us for me but the show was already treading on thin ice because of the fact that Randall and his immediate family seem to be the only “good” black people in their world.

The general disregard and lack of compassion for Deja’s mom and her love for her daughter is disheartening because I like Randall and his wife, but they seem to think having money is the only prerequisite to being a good parent and black person.

Sterling K. Brown is still BAE because of his role in Black Panther and because he and wife had a real life home birth, which he beautifully describes here.

Owning Your Time

We associate waking up late, not going to school, not going to work with being lazy and unproductive…even though we KNOW that our bodies need rest at times that are unique to us.

From infancy every Body is different even if there are collective similarities, ask anyone who has ever worked at a day care.

We beat ourselves and others up for not fitting into this mold that is considered “normal” and yet fits no one.

The concept of owning our time was my first and biggest deskooling lesson. I say lesson because one small decision teaches much.

Last summer I enrolled my daughter into a summer camp. The camp ran from 730a till 530p but the first hour and a half are scheduled for breakfast and FREE TIME which she could have at home. So I gave her the option of setting the alarm to wake up and make it to camp early or waking up whenever her body wakes; she chose the latter.

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Some would say of course she did! Who wouldn’t?! How will she learn dscipline?! But it takes time AND practice to learn about time.

She has chosen to wake up after 4hrs of sleep to see her grandpapi off to the airport and I KNOW that she would do the same if it was required of an event, test or project she wants to complete or be a part of; I know because I let her practice it.

She’s learning to own her time. The classes she chooses to take, the projects, conversations and relationships she chooses to pursue are all her, defining her Self and practicing adulthood.

Fact is the camp was not open at 730a to teach the children discipline, it was open at that time for the convenience of the parents’ and “normal” work hours.

I was available to take her to camp at a later time because I live a self-directed lifestyle and have directed my life to have time at home with my family while being financially creative and independent.

I was previously enrolled in midwifery school and quit to reclaim my time. I did not value the experience and was not convinced that the education was making me a better midwife or birthworker. For me it was not worth my time and money not to mention the fact that it required much self-masking and negative energy.

My time, money and energy are my privilege for being alive and being me; I decide who to give it to, this is a lesson I am learning to practice now as an adult.

School was not a choice for me as a child, I understood it to be mandatory and before being a mom I never thought of my children not going to school. I gave my unborn child’s time away without it’s knowledge or consent. Were we taught not to own our time? When we make school mandatory are we teaching our children not to own their time?

📷 by shoog

2018 Will Be Lit

2018 will be lit from start to finish. The past 3 hundred and sixty something days have been spiritually affirming. At the end of the year 2016 I embraced Eṣu as my Orí. My head guiding Orisha. I have known all my life that Eṣu is not the devil as it is translated to be in English and other colonial languages, but I still associated feelings of fear with the Orisha even though it was the one Orisha I felt connected to since childhood. Intentionally embracing Eṣu as my Self required me to grow through the fear and ignorance which were encouraged by white supremacy through schooling and the silencing of my people (familial and ethnical).

In Yorùbá, Orí literally translates to mean “head”, however the spiritual significance of the word is far deeper. Orí is human consciousness. It is our direct connection to Olódùmarè, the Supreme Force. Conceptually, Orí is closely related to destiny or fate. Each and every person who is born on Earth, Aye, went through the process of choosing their Orí and their Destiny before journeying from Heaven to Earth, Orun to Aye. Each human being has the personal task of selecting their very own Orí, their own particular human consciousness. — FAGBEMIJO AMOSUN FAKAYODE

There is good reason to associate fear with Eṣu because Eṣu guides change and we fear change. Eṣu is unlearning, It is seeing the opposite of what you thought you saw, It is transcending your mind, It is transcending. Eṣu guides crossings between life, death, and the unborn.

Finding your Orí is the key, once you find and embraced your Orí the rest is history as they say. Life becomes a mixture of feelings of freedom + gratitude + power and craving, accepting and growing through challenges. Ase. So it was for 2017.

Its been a good year. My daughter and I practice self-directed lifestyles, every day we center our gut and intuition and we are blossoming in every way possible. I plan to write and SHARE more about this lifestyle in 2018.

For me writing is therapeutic and creative fun but too many times I struggle because I try to write what I think I should write rather than what I feel like writing. This poem by Nayyirah Waheed is a reminder to just write…. and POST! So I will be publishing weekly blogs, poems etc. I already have a line up of writings to share!

In October I held a workshop titled Privilege is Mine.

I hope to develop the ideas behind the workshop into a book in 2018, lets see how that unfolds!

The Wise African Women (WAW) trip to Benin is tentatively set for May 19th – May 30th 2019, more information about that coming soon!

littlebylittlebirth.com is a year and two month old! I’m happily planning new services and formats for interacting with you and the world through this platform.

Breathe with me. We have been given the privilege of life…. So time goes on and with it comes change. May your living be rooted in hope and faith and not fear. Happy New Year from littlebylittlebirth!

Privilege is Mine

“Greetings.” I like this English word, it captures the ekúìjóko*, ekúìrìn*, ekúùlé* etc. of Yoruba.

Language has been an interest of mine since before I knew the word language. Growing up in African communities that communicated daily in at least 3 languages, I lived and loved words through their translation and representation of culture. My curiosity and enchantment with languages was supported (intentionally or not) and intellectually refined by my parents who studied linguistics, philosophy and too many languages to list. Because of them I have a healthy obsession with culture and words, which brings me to the topic of this essay, the word “privilege,” a popular and infamous word. Because the modern concept of privilege overlooks a key word in it’s definition, privilege has become one of the most used and useless words in social justice; useless because it does not promote or lead to action.

I remember years ago when I first read Peggy McIntosh’s White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, it was affirming and refreshing. Since then the word privilege has saturated social justice narrative and now I cringe every time I hear it. In the U.S. we have been and are being bombarded with vivid life sucking examples of injustice and white supremacy and even though McIntosh’s work is insightful and wakes people up, her definition of privilege is infected with white supremacy (the knapsack is not invisible).

Over years of researching, writing, talking and thinking about privilege, I developed a concept that centers the definition of privilege as a tool for social change rather than a label. At the Privilege is Mine Workshop I will share my concept of privilege as a tool, a tool that leads you to define, align and support your unique values and the changes you want to invest in personally, locally and globally.

Because my definition and concept of privilege is inclusive, everyone can join the conversation and use the tool for sustainable, intentional change. ANY change. Whether it be modifying nutritional habits or instilling concepts of justice into your lifestyle and parenting, the Privilege is Mine tool will be applicable to you, you can register now.

The workshop will include open discourse about selected readings and media, movements to guide physical, mental and emotional alignment, writing exercises and more.

Please bring a mobile device if you have one. Light refreshments will be served. Venue will be given after you register.

You will be sent a questionnaire after registering, please complete and submit online.

National Poetry Day | Music is Poetry | October 8th 2015 |#IfICouldBlog | We Could Find A Diamond In Your Hair

I wrote this almost two years ago

if i could blog

Ending the day by honoring the day

I am falling in love with music again

It has been some time since I could get lost in new sound-art.

This song reminded me that Today is National Poetry Day

If I Could Blog I I would blog about being a lyric junky and write lyrics for songs I’m feelin’.

lyrics I find are sometimes (most times) off at some parts…

The lyrics to this song, If I Could by Just A Band, inspired the name of my blog. If I could blog I would. I can so I am. I will be writing every week about whatever moves me to holla out the web.

I Can not figure out a couple of lines, the bolded italic lines. Can you? Do you hear what I hear? #remindsmeofTVonTheRadio

We could play a little truth or dare
(We would play a little truth or…

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